Involuntary Virginity & Intimacy Anxiety is a Non-Sexist Dynamic

“Lorraine” was a 38 year –old single female who lived by herself in a condominium that she owned. She was a special education teacher who worked hard and gave a lot to her students. She was attractive and intelligent; warm and sensitive. Every day after work she would go home and lose herself in television or reading. The exception to this was occasional trips to the gym. She spent weekends alone.

Lorraine had a couple of female friends but no one really close. She was quite dedicated to her mother who was not in good health.

At one point  she had a relationship with a man for about one year whom she described as having “emotional problems”. This was her only relationship with a member of the opposite sex, other than a few dates in high school. This relationship was never consummated physically. This situation left her with tremendous emotional conflict. Her embarrassment and shame regarding her lack of intimacy with men resulted in her avoiding all possibilities for dating and left her with a substantial depression.

“Monica,” age 30, a college grad recently moved into her own condo. She worked as a veterinary technician. Suffering from long term social phobia,  her social life was limited to her family. Although she expressed her desire to marry and have a family, she never had a date and rarely (outside of work and family) interacted with males.

“Brenda”, age 50, never had physical intimacy although she lived with her “boyfriend” for a decade. In college she received excellent grades; however, dealing with the stress of work was overwhelming. She struggled with alcohol dependence. She used her “intellectual intelligence” to negotiate the welfare system. Her social anxiety and emotional dysfunction resulted in a lifestyle where she barely left her small apartment.

The stories are endless.